Five Reasons I Refuse to Leave My Bed Today

Obviously there are thousands of reasons I could choose to stay in bed today, but I've narrowed it down to a solidly justifiable five.

 First and foremost, it's Wednesday. 

It's been way too long since Sunday and we have far too many hours until the joys of Friday night. How would I even be able to survive the rest of the week without an adequate hump day nap? Oh, that's right, I wouldn't.

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I did the dishes yesterday. 

And as any practicing millennial knows, finishing one chore during the week means I get a reward. Or two. Or three. I'll redeem this one in the form of sloth while enjoying the fact that I finally have clean spoons.


The new season of Orange is the New Black is out.

If you're an OITNB fan and you haven't been living under a rock (apparently the wifi connection really sucks under rocks) you know that season five came out over the weekend. I couldn't call myself a true fan if I didn't have the entire thing binged by the end of the week.


It's perfectly acceptable and not lazy to online shop now. 

I mean, Father's Day is Sunday and I probably should've ordered something for Pops a few weeks ago. But now I'll have an entire evening to scour the internet and take BuzzFeed quizzes that will tell me exactly what I can get him for Father's Day...all from the comfort of my own home.

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I'm an adult now.

I really am, I promise. Don't let my paying my student loans at the last minute, forgetting how much is in my bank account before buying Halsey's album on iTunes and overdrafting, and having UberEats deliver for me instead of cooking fool you. I'm a fully grown adult human being. And this means that I can do what I want with my evening. And what I want, what I really really to not leave this bed.


Pictured above: Me, an adult


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