Millennial Trends That Old Souls Just Don't Get

I'm a millennial and I unfortunately can't deny that. So there are tons of millennial things I tend to do like binge shows on Netflix, ignore general responsibilities, and order UberEats because cooking is like soooo 1953.


But even though I guess I DO hold that millennial title, there are some trends these days that just confuse TF out of me (and clearly using unnecessary acronyms is not one of them).  And if they confuse me, I'm sure they're confusing others, right? Maybe?

Let's talk about them, shall we?


1. Fidget Spinners

 

Seriously, I don't get them. I finally saw one in person yesterday and gave it a nice little spin. It was satisfying enough for a millisecond, I guess, but I still didn't get the fuss. And 24 hours later, I still don't. 

But props to the parent who created this, because it's pretty cool tbh:

 

2. Hitting the Folks

Oh wait, I think it's called "hit dem folks" by people who actually get it. But I don't. It's practically the only dance move I constantly see my little cousins doing on Instagram with their friends. Maybe you've seen it on the interwebz? It's the move where you put both hands up and kinda move them and then lift one leg at the same time? On second thought, maybe I don't do it or get it because I can't even explain it with words. 

But these millennials have it down:

 
 

Maybe I'll give this one a pass though since my own school dances consisted of Soulja Boying and Cha Cha Sliding. Not the best looks.


3. Dabbing

I think it's still a thing? Much like hitting dem folks, I don't understand why we're always doing it. I think it actually might be in the millennial handbook, tbh, because it's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. 

 

4. Downward Gaze

This is my least favorite trend of them all. I can understand fidget spinners being fun to mess with, dances being fun to do with friends, etc. but I simply do not understand what is so appealing about looking at the ground and posting it on the 'gram. 

 

Like, what's down there? Did you step in gum? Are you humanely waiting for an army of ants to pass? Again, I don't get it. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE SEEING ON THE GROUND THAT I'M NOT.

 

I hate the "downward gaze" so much that I did what any other angry millennial would do to speak out against it: I posted myself making fun of it on Instagram.

 

And I don't even deserve forgiveness.


5. Unnaturally bright foods

I mean, I'm just not sure if some foods are supposed to glow. In my day, eating radioactive looking food meant that you'd turn into a superhero and automatically go on a quest to save your city. We all did it, ask any Old.

But now brightly colored, glowing, unnatural looking foods are so commonplace that I don't even know what to think of them. 

 

Like, we all remember the craziness that was the Unicorn Frappuccino trend...and I don't even think anyone liked it for the taste. Just look at it. Its appeal was strictly surface-level.

 

And don't even get me started on rainbow bagels. Do these even taste okay? Has anyone actually tried one in real life?

 

Anyone could obviously go on and on about weird millennial trends that make no sense because lbh, there are hundreds or maybe even thousands of them. But if anyone feels the intense need to justify any of the above to me, feel free to write me a strongly worded essay. Just plz only make it about 140 characters because it's all my millennial brain can handle. 

Thank you, 2017.

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