An Ode to Me on International Women's Day

VINDICATION! REDEMPTION! FREEDOM! For International Women's Day, I got Jimmy to read a letter (penned by moi) to me, apologizing for his terrible treatment of me for the past 12 years:

My Dear Kelsey:

I woefully regret the way I've treated you over the last 12 years.

I've criticized your body, clothes, breasts, vagina, hair, hygiene, age, and the list could go on and on.

I've mercilessly questioned your intelligence, sanity, and life decisions.

I'm a hypocrite. I call you fat while I stuff pizza in my face.

I question your work ethic when I arrive at my job one hour and 15 minutes after you.

I dictate how you should dress while I wear tennis shoes everyday.

I've micromanaged your life while I walk a free man. 

You've been a slave to my opinions and rules, and now I want to set you free.

Kelsey, you are a brilliant, beautiful woman. I treasure you and revere your person. When I think of women who've shaped my life, you're near the top of list, right after my mother.

I'm sincerely sorry for any harm I have caused you - mentally and emotionally. 

I know I've destroyed your self-worth, and it stops today.

Today, from this moment on, I will respect and treasure you. I'm a better person because of you.

I love you.

Shockingly, he got most of is out of his mouth ... except for the L word. Listen to my masterpiece on our replay channel Jimmy's ode to Kelsey. It aired during our 7:48 break. Happy International Women's Day! Being a woman is simply amazing.

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